Fear of failure is not as common as some would think. It’s the fear of success, of the new life awaiting if we should reach our goals, that keeps so many people comfortable with their discomfort.
One of the things that many of my coaching clients have in common is the knowledge that they need a life coach, long before they actually book a session with me. Whether it be months or even years, many people will want something, including change, long before they start to actively pursue it. Yet they will still complain about their circumstances, circumstances completely within their control, until they’re ready to make a change. Why is that? Well, the immediate release of venting and whining can feel the same as fixing the problem, at least temporarily, and it’s so easy! In addition to that, many people have structured their entire personalities around their grievances and dysfunction. If that were to change, they might have to change their surroundings, and who they associate with. They might even have to question and change their minds about other core beliefs! Who would they be without their armour of being the martyr? Would they even recognize themselves without the pain that they’ve carried for years?
Identifying as (rather than with) our problems is critical error that can keep people stuck in cycles of unhappiness for years or even decades. When we make our brokeness an intrinsic part of who we are, like our race or gender, it can feel like a betrayal to no longer want to be that broken person, to seek wholeness. But the real betrayal is silencing the inner voice crying out for more, dimming your light because you’re afraid of the work that it’ll take to keep it burning, or letting others navigate your life for you. Stop being afraid to step into your own greatness.