One of the biggest obstacles to growth and healing is the aversion to change. People want better without having to change their mindsets, behaviours, environments, or relationships. Growth can’t happen if you are unwilling to move. Healing cannot happen where pain is always present.
It’s a self-defeating and limiting belief to think that the circumstances in your life will change if you merely wish it so. So many of us have a deep dissatisfaction with some area of our lives: our career, romantic relationship, relationships with our parents, weight, etc. And many of us say adamantly that we would like for this not to be the case, for things to change. We swear that there is absolutely nothing else that we’d want more. But the truth is, the complaining is instantly gratifying, and requires almost no effort. And effort, a sincere, single-minded focus to changing just one area of our lives, is something that most people simply aren’t willing to give. Venting, wishing, and hoping are the mental equivalent of running in place; you can feel like you’re making progress without actually getting anywhere.
The sad truth is that many people are consciously or subconsciously terrified about changing their lives or any aspect of themselves. They are terrified to learn a new skill, pick up a new trade, learn better habits, etc. not only out of fear of failure, but from a self-destructive attachment to their current self, the version of them that’s comfortably unhappy. Change is something that we openly embrace as children but become more and more averse to as adults. Whether we voice it aloud or not, the overwhelming majority of adults have a “Well, I guess this is it” mindset where, somewhere along the way, we stopped being active participants in our lives and took more and more of a passive role, letting life happen to us. If there is a change you want to make with yourself, you have to chase it, and make it happen. Making no choice is also a choice.
