That feeling of self-betrayal that occurs whenever you enter or remain in a situation that’s wrong for you is but a small taste of the personal hell that awaits you if you should persist.
I am a woman life coach. As a result, most of my clients are also women. And most of the women I speak to in a personal and professional capacity all have this one thing in common: They don’t fully trust themselves. Whether it be from parents who didn’t understand them, partners who gaslit them, or fake friends who passively tore them down, nearly every woman I come in contact with (self included, for many years) doesn’t fully trust her instincts. Because of this, all of us have suffered the consequences of ignoring or silencing the inner voice that warns us of impending danger and tells us to run. So often, while in the midst of a bad situation, or immediately afterward, we’ll say something along the lines of “I saw this coming,” or “I knew I couldn’t trust him/her/them,” or even “Why does this keep happening to me?” To answer that last question: This keeps happening to you, because you refuse to learn your lesson, and keep making the exact same mistake. And that mistake is not listening to yourself.
Forget what you were taught about “Always keeping an open mind,” or about your standards being “too high,” or feelings of inadequacy and desperation leading you over a cliff. What is your gut telling you? Some people might tell you to just “think rationally,” but our minds are laced with all kinds of internalized toxicity and biases. And moving “with your heart” can lead to a fear-based, scarcity-minded response. If you feel sick to your stomach, nauseous, or lose your appetite around someone, your body does not feel safe with them, and that is what you need to be paying attention to.