You are in control. Get back into the driver’s seat of your mind.
I’ve said before that we are all the sum total of our thoughts and experiences. As adults, our thoughts shape our experiences. However as children, our experiences are largely responsible for shaping our thoughts. There is a popular saying that “You teach people how to treat you by what you will and won’t tolerate.” While this is true, we are taught from infancy how we can expect t be treated by others. And these experiences of being ignored, constantly criticized, abused, demeaned, etc. grooms billions of people all over the world to accept consistent disrespect as adults. This view of interpersonal relationships is shaped from a young age, and affects how we interact with others for years; sometime, forever.
The first step in healing is not blaming yourself, but making peace with the fact that you were born whole, unblemished, and were broken somewhere alone the way. You are not defective or inherently “messed up.” And the person(s) who broke you were absolutely broken themselves. This is not a call to forgive those who’ve hurt you, but rather an urging that you understand that what they said or did had almost nothing to do with you, and everything to do with how that person was taught to navigate others, the weight of the trauma that they haven’t unpacked, and how they feel about themselves.
In order to harness your healing, you must recognize that now, as an adult, you and should take the active, dominant role in your mental programming. Most people’s inner dialogue, for better or for worse, is the voice of their primary guardian. If this voice is critical, judgmental, belittling, etc., it’s time to silence it and start practicing affirming yourself with love, support, validation, and comfort. This work is necessary to transition from wounded child to healed adult. And you’re worth the effort.
